


That's What You Get For Waking Up In Thedas

by Lysa_Lavellan (totalnovaktrash)



Series: Dragon Age Game Rewrites [3]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: (That would be Caz), Asexual Character, Biromantic Asexual Character, Caz is a Sarcastic Shit, Caz tries to give Varric a nickname, F/F, F/M, Gen, I have no filter, I snub Solas, M/M, Modern Character in Thedas, Modern Girl in Thedas, Non Canon L.I., Self-Insert, basically just a rewrite of Inquisition, bastard deserves it, its an ongoing series of failiures, mental or verbal, pop culture references, the Solavellan isn't actually one sided, with me as Inquisitor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-06
Updated: 2017-07-13
Packaged: 2018-09-15 05:59:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9222098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/totalnovaktrash/pseuds/Lysa_Lavellan
Summary: I groaned in pain as my eyes fluttered open. Where was I? I looked down at my hands; they were manacled. What the hell? Looking around, I realized that I was in a dungeon. Four guards stood ready with their swords drawn. Something about the scene was vaguely familiar, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it.At least, until pain shot up my arm and my hand crackled with a green light.The Anchor from Dragon Age: Inquisition. But what was it doing on my hand? And why was I kneeling in Haven’s dungeon from the opening cutscene?Zoe is an avid Dragon Age Fangirl who got sucked into the world of Thedas. Introducing herself as Cazolora Alariel, Caz to her friends, she has to navigate the game using her foreknowledge and not get killed because she's not exactly sure what happens when she runs out of health...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Since the roleplay The Trouble Never Ends kinda died while I was MIA, I decided to write this instead.  
> Sequel to the WIP, to be posted As Unsil, Ish, Unros, Is'en Unroga  
> Inspired by http://aminoapps.com/p/gayj8  
> Rated for language and canon typical violence  
> Thanks to dragonagetranscripts on tumblr for the transcript

I groaned in pain as my eyes fluttered open. Where was I? I looked down at my hands; they were manacled. _What the hell?_ Looking around, I realized that I was in a dungeon. Four guards stood ready with their swords drawn. Something about the scene was vaguely familiar, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it.

At least, until pain shot up my arm and my hand crackled with a green light.

The Anchor from Dragon Age: Inquisition. But what was it doing on my hand? And why was I kneeling in Haven’s dungeon from the opening cut scene?

The door flew open and two women entered. Cassandra and Leliana, I recalled. Belatedly, I also remembered that, at this point, Cassandra probably wanted me dead. Lovely.

“Tell me why we shouldn’t kill you now. The Conclave is destroyed. Everyone who attended is dead. Except for you,” Cassandra growled.

“You think I did it,” I said, working to keep my voice stable.

“Explain this!” Cassandra grabbed the manacles and held them up as the Anchor flared to life.

“Believe me, I wish I could. But I can't.”

“What do you mean, you can’t?” the Seeker demanded.

I tried to shrug. "I mean, I don't know how it got there,” I explained, trying to stay patient. While I did technically know _how_ it got there, I didn't know why it was _my_ hand it was on.

“You’re lying!” she accused.

Cassandra moved to hit me, but Leliana stopped her. “We need her, Cassandra.”

I nodded. “Leliana is right. You're going to need me and I won't do you any good if you beat me to a bloody pulp.”

Leliana narrowed her eyes, but didn't question how I knew her name. “Do you remember what happened? How this began?”

_Well, obviously I must've interrupted Coryphy-shits sacrificing Justinia. The Anchor on my hand is proof enough of that. But I can't remember it happening. What am I supposed to remember?_

“I remember running. Things were chasing me. And then… a woman?”

“A woman?” the redhead repeated.

“She reached out to me, but then…”

“Go to the forward camp, Leliana,” Cassandra insisted. “I will take her to the rift.”

I watched as Leliana leave. “So, she's gone, what're you planning on doing with me, Seeker?”

“How do you know these things?”

“I’m gonna go with ‘you're wearing Seeker’s armor.’” Technically true, also a hell of a lot easier to believe than the truth.

Cassandra replaced the manacles with rope and led me outside. I looked up at the sky to see the Breach. “Well, that's going to be problematic.”

“We call it the Breach,” Cassandra explained. “It’s a massive rift into the world of demons that grows larger with each passing hour. It’s not the only such rift, just the largest. All were caused by the explosion at the conclave.”

I whistled. “Must've been an impressive explosion to cause a tear in the fabric of reality.”  
“Unless we act, the Breach may grow until it swallows the world.”

The Breach crackled and grew, the Anchor flared, and I collapsed to the ground in pain. “Mother fucker,” I hissed.

Cassandra knelt next to me. “Each time the Breach expands, your mark spreads… and it is killing you. It may be the key to stopping this but there isn’t much time.”

“I thought you were supposed to be smart, Cassandra,” I managed through clenched teeth. “You really think I'd put myself through all this?”

“Not intentionally,” the Seeker admitted. “Something clearly went wrong.”

“And what happens when you realize that I’m not responsible?”

“Someone is, and you are our only suspect. You wish to prove your innocence? This is the only way.”

“Short of, oh I don't know, _telling you who did it_?” I said, sarcastically. “Well, I'm a dead woman walking anyway. I may as help save the damn world before I die.”

Cassandra pulled me to my feet and escorted me through town. The villagers scowled and jeered at us. “They have decided your guilt,” Cassandra told me. “They need it. The people of Haven mourn our Most Holy, Divine Justinia, head of the Chantry. The Conclave was hers. It was a chance for peace between mages and templars. She brought their leaders together. Now, they are dead.”

Soldiers opened the gate at the edge of town as we approached. “We lash out, like the sky. But we must think beyond ourselves, as she did. Until the breach is sealed.” She pulled out a dagger and cut the ropes binding my hands. “There will be a trial. I can promise no more. Come. It is not far.”

“To the rift, then?” I guessed, almost jovially. Cassandra shot me a look and pressed forward. _Oh joy_ , I thought to myself, _won't this be fun?_

* * *

I'm embarrassed to admit how long it took for me to realize I wasn't human.

I was wondering why Cassandra look so much taller than I had imagined her being. The woman was supposed to be average height, maybe 5’10 at the tallest. I'm 5’8, but she was clearly _at least_ 6 inches taller than me. That's when I actually took a second to look down at myself.

I did a double take.

The clothing I was wearing was the generic mercenary outfit that every PC starts with in Inquisition, but I could tell that I was a hell of a lot thinner than I recalled. That and my chest was significantly smaller than it should've been. On instinct, I reached up to feel the tips of my ears.

“What the hell?!” I blurted out.

Cassandra spun around to see what startled me, her hand on the pommel of her sword, then raised an eyebrow when she saw no threat. “Are you alright?”

“Ah, I will be,” I squeaked. “Just as soon as I get over my _elf_ sized heart attack.”

She looked at me strangely, then continued on.

I dragged my fingers over my face feeling the slightly raised skin forming the design that honored the Dalish god, June. Dalish. I was a Dalish elf. I was Lavellan.

Was I, though? Would clan Lavellan recognize me if they saw me?

Would _I_ recognize me if I saw me?

Shit, Zoe. Better not fall for Solas.

The Breach pulsed and so did the Anchor, causing me to drop to my knees in pain. “Ah!” I shouted, squeezing my eyes shut. “Hell, that’s going to get old _very_ quickly.”

Cassandra helped me back to my feet. “The pulses are coming faster now. The larger the Breach grows, the more rifts appear, the more demons we face.”

“Something to look forward to,” I muttered. “Where did your soldiers find me, anyway?”

“They said you… stepped out of a rift, then fell unconscious. They say a woman was in the rift behind you. No one knows who she was,” Cassandra responded. “Everything farther in the valley was laid waste, including the Temple of Sacred Ashes. I suppose you’ll see soon enough.”

“I wonder if the Gauntlet was destroyed as well,” I wondered aloud as we continued on towards a bridge. “They never really mentioned if the explosion reached that far.” A flash of light in the corner of my eye caught my attention and I remembered what came next. Oddly enough, my thoughts as the meteor of light hit the bridge were not about the fall to the icy river below, but more along the lines of, ‘shit, if I don’t know how to use weapons, how am I going to kill the shade that’s going to attack me?’

The Breach spit out another meteor and it hit the frozen river a short distance in front of Cassandra. A shade formed in a pool of green light. “Stay behind me!” Cassandra ordered, attacking the shade.

A second one formed not far from me. I looked to my left for the weapon I was supposed to use and almost rolled my eyes in exasperation. “Seriously?” But I dove and grabbed the staff anyway. “How do I freaking use this thing?”

I pointed the staff at the approaching shade. “ _Forbearnan_!” Nothing happened. “Shit, wrong fandom. What am I supposed to do?” The shade was getting closer and closer. “Oh, god, please work.” I smacked the shade on the head with the end of the staff and imagined it on fire.

Sure enough, flames shot out of the end of the staff and engulfed the demon. I took a deep breath once I was sure it was dead. “Well, that was fun. I should probably work on that.”

Cassandra pointed her sword at me. “Drop your weapon. _Now_.”

I rolled my eyes. “You’re joking, right? Are you really going to kill everything we encounter? If you’re going to lead me through a demon infested valley, you’re going to have to trust me with a weapon.”

“Give me one reason to trust you.”

“Because my life is on the line.”

The seeker sighed and sheathed her sword. “You’re right. You don’t need a staff, but you should have one. I cannot protect you, and I cannot expect you to be defenseless. Your life is threatened enough as it is.” She handed me a few bottles filled with red liquid. “Take these potions. Maker knows what we will face.”

“If we follow canon,  I’d guess demons, darkspawn, and a shit ton of red templars,” I muttered to myself.

We faced a handful more shades and a couple of wraiths on our way through the valley and up the ridiculous amount of stone steps that I never understood before Cassandra spoke again. “We’re getting close to the rift. You can hear the fighting.”

I was simultaneously dreading and excited to reach the rift. On one hand, I could almost hear the shouts of ‘Bianca, baby, introduce yourself!’, and what sane Dragon Age fan wouldn’t be thrilled to see the infamous crossbow in action? On the other hand, meeting Varric in Inquisition went hand and hand with meeting the Egg. There was a good reason my friends and I called that bastard the god of assholes.

In case you were wondering, Varric’s skill with the unique weapon absolutely _did not_ disappoint. If I wasn’t preoccupied trying to figure out how to work a staff and kill the shades before they killed me, I probably would’ve just stood there, slack jawed and in awe.

But there were shades trying to tear my head off, so I focused on making the large stick in my hands shoot fire at them.

I made a conscious effort to keep a good distance between me and the other elf; but when all the shades were dead, he shouted, “Quickly, before more come through!” Then he grabbed my wrist and thrust my hand towards the rift. I flinched when the Anchor twinged as the rift closed.

I glared at him. “Could’ve figure that out on my own, thanks.”

“What did you do?” Cassandra asked.

“Whatever magic opened the Breach in the sky also placed the mark on her hand. I theorized the mark might be able to close the rifts that have opened in the Breach’s wake— and it seems I was correct,” the Egg answered.

“Meaning it could also close the Breach itself,” Cassandra mused.

“Possibly.” The Egg turned to look at me, not put off by my death glare. “It seems you hold the key to our salvation.”

“Good to know! Here I thought we’d be ass deep in demons forever.” Varric sauntered over to introduce himself.

“Varric Tethras: rogue, storyteller, and, occasionally, unwelcome tagalong,” we said in unison.

He started at me in shock. “What?”

I winked at him, then looked at Cassandra. “So, I closed the rift. Now what? We go and meet Leliana?”

Varric shook off his shock and grinned. “What a great idea!”

Cassandra shook her head. “Absolutely not. Your help is appreciated, Varric, but—”

“Have you been in the valley lately, Seeker?” he interrupted. “Your soldiers aren’t in control anymore. You need me.”

The Seeker made her signature disgusted noise and I died a little inside.

“My name is Solas, if there are to be introductions,” the Egg said, finally addressing me. “I’m pleased to see you still live.”

I wrinkled my nose in response.

“He means, ‘I kept that mark from killing you while you slept,’” Varric offered.

“Well I’m no use to you dead,” I sniffed.

“That is most certainly true. You could not seal the Breach if you were a corpse.”

“I wasn’t talking about sealing the Breach.” My voice was low enough that Varric and Cassandra didn’t hear, but the Egg did, judging by his confused expression.

He turned to Cassandra. “You should know the magic involved here is unlike any I have ever seen. Your prisoner is a mage, but I find it difficult to imagine any mage having such power.”

I snorted. _Liar, liar, I should set your tight pants on fire._

Cassandra nodded. “Understood. We must get to the forward camp quickly.”

Varric shrugged. “Well, Bianca’s excited.”


	2. Chapter 2

As we made our way to the forward camp, the Egg was the first to speak. “You are Dalish, but your accent sounds more Dwarven or Qunari. I wonder why that is.”

“What makes you think I’m Dalish?” I snapped.

“The height? The ears? The markings?” Varric offered. “Take your pick.”

“I’m not Dalish,” I grumbled. “Everyone’s got this accent where I come from.”

“And where is that?”

“Chicago.”

“I’ve never heard of Chicago,” said the Egg.

“No, you wouldn’t have,” I sneered.

Varric sighed. “Can’t you elves just play nice for once?”

The Egg studied me. “If you're not Dalish, why do you have vallaslin?” he asked.

“You're guess is as good as mine, Egg.”

He looked slightly surprised when I called him that. It occurred to me I had never actually addressed him directly, so he wouldn't know that was what I had been calling him in my head. “How can you not know?”

“Look, I'm not even— Ah!” My petulant retort was cut off by my shout of pain from the Anchor flaring. I stumbled, clutching my wrist as if I could stop the pain but cutting off blood flow to my hand.

“Shit, are you alright?” Varric asked.

“Fine, just _peachy_ , Varric,” I gasped out. After a few steadying breaths, I was able to let go of my wrist. “Come on, the quicker we get there, the longer I'll live.”

We continued on in silence until Varric saw fit to speak up. “So, _are_ you innocent?”

“Of course I am,” I said.

“Can you prove it?”

I scowled. “Well… no.”

He chuckled. “That'll get you every time. Should've spun a story.”

“That's what _you_ would've done,” I reminded him.

“It's more believable. And less prone to result in premature execution.”

I wasn't really listening. I knew the ambient banter of the prologue almost by heart. Absently, I wondered if anyone had ever written an Varric!Inquisitor Fanfiction. Probably not, maybe I would when I got home.

 _If_ I got home.

Shit, the Egg is staring at me again.

“I hope Leliana made it through this,” Cassandra said, surveying the area.

I snorted. “We're thinking about the same Leliana, right? Ginger Orlesian bard? Overly badass? I'm fairly positive she can handle a couple demons, Cass.”

“We’ll see for ourselves at the forward camp,” the other elf offered. “We're almost there.”

At the top of the hill, we turned south and went up a staircase carved into the mountain and reached the gates to the forward camp only to find another fade rift. “Seriously?” I complained, but hefted my staff anyway.

The four of us made quick work of the shades and wraiths and Cassandra ordered that the doors be opened.

“Right away, Lady Cassandra!”

“We are clear for the moment. Well done,” Solas complimented me, which I promptly ignored.

“Whatever that thing on your hand is, it’s useful,” Varric commented.

I scoffed. “Yeah. Real fucking handy, this thing. Pun intended.”

Cassandra made her disgusted noise at the pun and I internally preened at being the cause before following the others through the gates. Leliana and the Chancellor guy— Rodney? Ricky? Shit, why couldn't I remember his name?— were arguing at a desk outside of a tent.

“We must prepare the soldiers!” Leliana was insisting.

The Chancellor scowled at her. “We will do no such thing.”

“The prisoner must get to the Temple of Sacred Ashes. It is our only chance!”

“You have already caused enough trouble without resorting to this exercise in futility.”

“I have caused trouble?”

“You, Cassandra, the Most Holy – haven’t you all done enough already?”

“It's so nice to see everyone working together in a crisis!” I chirped as we approached the arguing duo. Score one for quoting previous games. “Warms the heart.”

“You made it,” Leliana sighed in relief. “Chancellor Roderick,” (Roderick! That was the name) “this is—”

“I know who she is,” Roderick interrupted. “As Grand Chancellor of the Chantry, I hereby order you to take this criminal to Val Royeaux to face execution.”

“'Order me’?” Cassandra repeated incredulously. “You are a glorified clerk. A bureaucrat!”

“And you are a thug, but a thug who supposedly serves the Chantry!” he retorted.

Leliana crosses her arms. “We serve the Most Holy, Chancellor, as you well know.”

“Justinia is dead! We must elect her replacement, and obey her orders on the matter.”

“Are we ignoring the giant fucking hole in the sky?” I asked. “Okay, so Justinia’s dead. Who else is in charge?”

“You _killed_ everyone in charge!” Roderick shouted.

“Was everyone in whatever chain of command you have at the Conclave?” I asked Leliana. She nodded. “Well that was a stupid idea. Why put all the important people in one place? What if there's a mass shooting? Or, I don't know, a _goddamned explosion_?”

The Chancellor rolled his eyes. “Call a retreat, Seeker. Our position here is hopeless.”

“We can stop this before it’s too late,” Cassandra insisted.

“How?” he demanded. “You won’t survive long enough to reach the temple, even with all your soldiers.”

“We must get to the temple. It’s the quickest route.”

“But not the safest. Our forces can charge as a distraction while we go through the mountains,” Leliana suggested.

Cassandra shook her head. “We lost contact with an entire squad on that path. It’s too risky.”

Roderick threw his hands up. “Listen to me. Abandon this now, before more lives are lost.”

The Breach crackled and expanded and so did the mark on my hand. I grabbed my wrist again and shouted in pain. “Mother of _fucking god_ , that hurts,” I gritted.

“How do you think we should proceed?” Cassandra asked, and it took me a moment to remember that she was talking to me.

“You want _my_ opinion?” I snarked.

“You have the mark,” the Egg reasoned.

“And you are the one we must keep alive,” Cassandra added. “Since we cannot agree on our own…”

Choice time.

When I play the game, I generally charge with the soldiers. Logically, I know the mountain path is really the better choice, but the Fangirl in me usually forces me to choose the path that leads to meeting Cullen early.

Oh shit _, Cullen._ How the hell was I going to keep my composure around a living, breathing, _Cullen Rutherford_?

“Use the mountain path,” I decided. “Work together. You all know what’s at stake.”

Varric seemed to approve, Cassandra less so. “Leliana. Bring everyone left in the valley. Everyone.”

As we walked away from the table, Chancellor Roderick had to have the last word. “On your head be the consequences, Seeker.”

“ _Roderick_ ,” I mocked once we were out of earshot. “What a stupid name.”

“Well, what's yours?” Varric asked.

Oh god, what do I say? I searched my knowledge for an obscure Dalish clan name. “Alariel,” I answered. “Cazolora Alariel. My friends call me Caz.”

“Nice to meet you, Caz. Now let's go close that Breach.”


	3. Chapter 3

Cassandra, Varric, Solas, and I continued up a snowy incline until we reached the bottom of a ladder. Once at the top, Cassandra looked around. “The tunnel should be just ahead. The path to the temple lies just beyond it.”

“What manner of tunnel is this?” Solas asked. “A mine?”

“Part of an old mining complex,” I remembered. “These mountains are full of paths. It never occurred to me that was why the tunnels were there back in Origins, actually.”

Varric looked at me strangely before turning back to the Seeker. “And the missing soldiers are in there somewhere?”

“Along with whatever has detained them,” the Egg added.

Cassandra nodded. “We shall see soon enough.”

Two ladders, one set of stairs and a wooden walkway later, we reached the entrance to the tunnel. Unsurprisingly, demons were lying in wait. Surprisingly, it got easier and easier to conjure fireballs the more I did it.

When the demons lay defeated, I brushed back a strand of hair that had fallen from my bun and caught my breath. “This was a lot less effort when I was just pressing buttons,” I muttered.

After defeating the rest of the adversaries in the tunnels, we exited the caves to find three corpses. Varric sighed. “Guess we found the soldiers.”

The Seeker frowned at the bodies. “That cannot be all of them.”

“So, the others must be holed up ahead,” I reasoned.

“Our priority must be the Breach,” the Egg argued. “Unless we seal it soon, no one is safe.”

“I’m leaving _that_ to the elf with the glowing hand,” Varric said.

I snorted. “Gee, thanks, Shortstack.”

He wrinkled his nose. “A height joke, really?”

“You give everyone but yourself nicknames, Varric, that’s hardly fair.”

“But _Shortstack_?”

“I could’ve gone with _Chest Hair_.”

We continued forward down a rocky pathway covered in snow. At the end of the pathway was find a rift and four soldiers fighting a couple of shades and wraiths. The four of us jumped into the fray and helped the soldiers take out the demons.

“Lady Cassandra!” the one soldier shouted.

“Lieutenant! You’re alive!”

“Just barely.”

I gripped my staff tighter. “Hold the greetings, I don’t think we’re done yet.”

“Close the rift!” Cassandra ordered.

I shook my head. “It’s not weak enough yet. One more wave.” As if on cue, the rift spawned to lesser terrors. Admittedly, I froze up for a moment, but Cassandra and the soldier took them down and I closed the rift.

“Sealed, as before. You are becoming quite proficient at this,” the Egg complimented me. I ignored him.

Varric agreed. “Let’s hope it works on the big one.”

Cassandra helped the lieutenant to her feet. “Thank the Maker you finally arrived, Lady Cassandra. I don’t think we could have held out much longer.”

“Thank our prisoner, Lieutenant,” Cassandra corrected her. “She insisted we come this way.”

The Lieutenant turned to me. “The prisoner? Then you…?”

I shrugged. “Closing rifts and saving soldiers is apparently part of the job description It was worth saving you, if we could.”

She nodded. “Then you have my sincere gratitude.”

Cassandra pointed back the way we came. “The way into the valley behind us is clear for the moment. Go, while you still can.”

“At once. Quickly, let’s move!” The soldiers retreated.

“The path ahead appears to be clear of demons as well,” the Egg informed us.

Cassandra nodded. “Let’s hurry, before that changes.”

So down the hills and ladders we went, ending up at a steep wooden pathway before anyone spoke again. “So… holes in the fade don’t just _accidentally_ happen, right?” Varric asked.

“If enough magic is brought to bear, it _is_ possible,” the Egg responded.

“But there are easier ways to make things explode.”

“That is true.”

“Maybe the explosion wasn’t the intention,” I offered.

Varric frowned. “Are you defending whoever did this?”

“Hell no,” I scoffed. “I’m just saying that the explosion might not have been intentional.”

Cassandra cut off any more conversation. “We will consider _how_ this happened once the immediate danger is past.”

We all stopped to look around once we reached the ruins. I had vague memories of seeing the ruins for the first time during my first playthrough of Inquisition and thinking how large the explosion must have been to reduce the temple I’d seen in Origins to ruin. Seeing it for real with my own eyes, the same thought crossed my mind. No one could’ve survived an explosion like that. An explosion that I caused by interrupting the sacrifice of Justinia.

Now if only I could just remember _doing it_.

“The Temple of Sacred Ashes,” said the Egg.

“What’s left of it,” Varric corrected. As we entered the temple and I had to suppress a gagging noise. The smell of burned and burning flesh was _not_ included in the game and was _not_ pleasant _at all_. “The breach _is_ a long way up.”

Leliana approached from behind with some soldiers. “You’re here! Thank the Maker.”

“Leliana, have your men take up positions around the temple,” Cassandra instructed. The bard nodded and went to give directions to the soldiers. Cassandra turned to me. “This is your chance to end this. Are you ready?”

I shrugged and looked at the rift. “Does it matter if I’m ready or not? That rift was the first, so if I close it, we can stop the Breach from growing.”

“If you seal it, perhaps the Breach would be sealed as well,” the Egg suggested.

I narrowed my eyes at him. “You don’t know for sure?”

“How would I?”

“I don’t know, Egg. You tell me.”

Cassandra, ever the mediator, cut off our arguing again. “Then let’s find a way down. And be careful.”

Leliana accompanies us down the path that spiraled down to the rift. “Bit different than the last time you were here, huh, Leliana?” I asked, trying to keep the mood light. Leliana gave me a look that said the effort wasn’t appreciated.

As we got closer, I keep waiting for the Fade echoes to sound. Nothing could've prepared me for when they did.

“ _Now is the hour of our victory. Bring forth the sacrifice._ ”

_Corypheus._

“What are we hearing?” Cassandra wondered.

“At a guess--”

“The person who created the Breach,” I cut the Egg off, voice dark.

Cassandra scowled at me. “How do you know? You said you don't remember.”

“I don't.”

We passed two archers in position overlooking the rift. There was a cluster red lyrium growing out of the ground off to the right. Varric notices. “You know this stuff is red lyrium, Seeker.”

“I see it, Varric,” she responded.

“But what's it _doing_ here?”

“Magic could have drawn on lyrium beneath the temple, corrupted it…” the Egg theorizes.

My voice stayed grim as I corrected shortly, “It’s Blighted.”

“It’s evil. Whatever you do don’t touch it.”

I snorted. “Wasn’t planning on it, Tethras.”

The voice of Coryphy-shits spoke again. “ _Keep the sacrifice still._ ”

“ _Someone help me!_ ” cried the voice of the former Divine.

Cassandra gasped. “That is Divine Justinia’s voice!”

We reached the end of the path and leapt down into the pit. As we approached the rift and the mark on my hand flared and another echo sounded throughout the cavern.

“ _Someone help me!_ ”

“ _What the hell?_ ”

Cassandra gaped at me. “That was your voice. Most Holy called out to you. But…”

There was a flash of white light, then ghostly images appear. Divine Justinia was floating while being held in place by red energy wrapped around her arms. The large, dark silhouette of Coryphy-shits with glowing red eyes loomed over her. An image of me stumbled into the scene and my jaw dropped.

I was an elf, June vallaslin and all, but I was wearing the clothes that I had fallen asleep in. My Star Wars t-shirt and denim shorts. “ _What the hell?_ ”

“ _Run while you can!_ ” Image-Justinia shouted. “ _Warn them!_ ”

Image-me just gaped at her. “ _This… this isn’t possible._ ”

“ _We have an intruder,_ ” Sillouette-Coryphy-shits point at Image-me “ _Slay the elf!_ ”

Image-me turned her wide eyes to the former magister. “ _Slay the_ what _?_ ”

There was another flash of white light and the scene disappeared. Cassandra whirled on me. “You _were_ there! Who attacked? And the Divine, is she…? Was this vision true? What are we seeing?”

I stared blankly at the spot where Image-me was a moment before. “I don’t remember how I got there. Why can’t I remember?”

“What was that?” Varric asked, staring at the same spot.

“Echoes of what happened here. The Fade bleeds into this place,” the Egg answered.

“No, I mean what in Andraste’s name was Caz wearing?”

“This rift is not sealed, but it is closed… albeit temporarily,” the Egg observed. “I believe with the mark, the rift can be opened and then sealed properly and safely. However, opening the rift will likely attract attention from the other side.”

Cassandra nodded. “That means demons. Stand ready!”

The soldiers and archers got in position.

Varric looked over at me. “You good, Caz?”

“Yeah,” I mumbled absently. Then I shook my head and gripped my staff tighter. “Pride demon. Let’s do this.”

I opened the rift and the Pride demon came out. “Now!” Cassandra shouted.

As the fight went on, one thing became very clear to me: this is so much easier when it's on a screen and you can tell how much health the boss has left. I threw flame ball after flame ball at the massive demon until I felt like I was about to fall over. Low mana, I guessed, and no lyrium potion.

_What would lyrium taste like?_

_Focus, Zoe._

Cassandra’s shout filtered into my exhaustion hazy brain. “Quickly! Disrupt the rift!”

“Sure, as soon as you tell me where the F button is on real life,” I muttered to myself, backing away from the battle.

I raised my hand towards the rift like I was going to try and close it. A glowing beam of light connected the mark and the floating Fade green crystals. After a moment, they shattered and the demon was forced to its knees.

“The demon is vulnerable– now!”

I hid behind a larger rock as shades made their way out of the rift to let my mana regenerate. I took a moment to catch my breath and headed back into the fray to disrupt the rift a second time.

After the fourth or fifth disruption, someone managed to strike the killing blow. I planted my feet and faced the rift, starting to seal it as everyone watches, but this one was resisting.

“Do it!” someone shouted at one point.

“Fucking… trying…” I managed through gritted teeth.

The strand of light between my hand on the rift snapped, the rift folded in on itself, and my arm felt like the bones were snapping while it was on fire.

Everything went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the transcript I found ends after the next two chapters. I recently got my gaming laptop fixed so I'll just transcribe it as I go, but I won't have all of the dialogue options laid out, so things might change a bit.


	4. Chapter 4

I felt myself drifting back into consciousness. I could tell because I ached all over and my head was pounding and that generally doesn't happen while I'm asleep. I sat up in bed, apparently startling a young woman, who then dropped the box she was carrying.

_Who is this? What are they doing in my room?_

“Oh! I didn’t know you were awake, I swear!”

Something was off about woman, but I wasn't entirely sure what. “Where am I?”

The woman fell to her knees. “I beg your forgiveness and your blessing. I am but a humble servant. You’re back in Haven, my lady. They say you saved us. The Breach stopped growing, just like the mark on your hand. It’s all anyone has talked about for the last three days!”

 _Oh god, it wasn't a dream._ “Three… days?” I croaked.

The woman– she was elven, that's why she seemed off– started backing out of the room. “I’m sure Lady Cassandra will want to know you’ve wakened. She said, ‘at once’!”

“Lady Cassandra?” I repeated, weakly.

“She’s in the Chantry with the Lord Chancellor. 'At once,’ she said!” The woman scurried out of the room.

That's when the panic attack started.

Thedas. Fucking Thedas. I was in _fucking_ _Thedas._

_How the hell did this happen?_

I wracked my brain for something, _anything,_ and came up with nada. Last thing I could remember was falling asleep at my desk and then waking up as an elf in the dungeon.

It had to be some sort of dream, didn't it?

 _Okay, dream checks, Zoe. You do them all the time._ I looked at my hands. Five fingers, all normal. I looked around the room, then back at my hand. Five fingers, all normal. The only abnormal thing was the slightly glowing green scar that marred my palm.

I pinched myself.

It hurt.

That didn't change the fact that none of this was possible. I had met Leliana, Cassandra, Varric, and the Egg. I was a Mage, I used magic. _I set a demon on fire._

_Holy shit, I've met an Elvehn God._

I was living Inquisition.

I was the _Inquisitor_.

“I'm so fucking screwed.”

After a few more minutes of gathering my thoughts and panicking, I came to a decision. This was _Thedas_. It didn't matter if it was real or not, Inquisition was my favorite game and like hell I was going to waste my time wondering how the fuck I got there.

I walked out the door of the cabin and my first thought was this:

Haven looked exactly like it did in Inquisition.

Haven looked nothing like it did in Origins.

Twenty soldiers lined the path from the cabin into the heart of the village. They were all doing that Ferelden fist-chest salute thing. About fifty additional people had gathered outside the cabin to see me.

The elf Herald of Andraste who technically wasn't an elf and moreover wasn't even from Thedas.

As I walked past the saluting soldiers and crowd, I was able overhear a man and a woman speaking to each other. “That’s her. That’s the Herald of Andraste. They said when she came out of the Fade, Andraste herself was watching over her.”

“Hush! We shouldn’t disturb her.”

“Why did Lady Cassandra have her in chains? I thought Seekers knew everything.”

“It’s complicated. We were all frightened after the explosion at the Conclave.”

“It isn’t complicated. Andraste herself blessed her.”

As I got closer to the two, they addressed me directly.

“Maker be with you.”

“Blessings upon you, Herald of Andraste.”

At Seggrit’s shop, one soldier saluted and ten more stood at attention. “Lady Cassandra is waiting for you in the Chantry,” the soldier informed me.

“Uh, thanks,” was my intelligent response before moving on.

“That’s her,” a woman whispered to her friend. “Cazolora Alariel. She stopped the Breach from getting any bigger.”

“I heard she was supposed to close it entirely,” her friend responded. “Still, it’s more than anyone else has done. Demons would have had us otherwise.”

“Still a lot of Rifts left all over. Little cracks in the sky.”

“She can seal those, though— the Herald of Andraste.”

“Someone had better. You won’t seal those rifts with the Chant of Light.”

They too spoke to me when I was closer.

“Walk safely, Herald of Andraste.”

“Good luck sealing those rifts.”

Villagers and Chantry member alike all gaped, saluted, knelt, and even bowed as I passed making me increasingly uncomfortable. Two Sisters stood by the doors to the Chantry, arguing. They both greeted me as I stopped just outside the doors.

“Go in peace, Herald of Andraste.”

“Maker watch over you.”

_Maker or no, I’m probably screwed._

I entered the Chantry.

* * *

The Chantry main hall was empty of people, but there were several clusters of candles around the pillars. The War Room, I remembered, was directly across from the entrance.

I heard the argument before I even reached the other side of the hall.

“Have you gone completely mad? She should be taken to Val Royeaux immediately, to be tried by whomever becomes Divine,” Roderick was busy insisting.

“I do not believe she is guilty,” Cassandra argued.

“The elf failed, Seeker. The Breach is still in the sky. For all you know, she intended it this way.”

“I do not believe that.”

“That is not for you to decide. Your duty is to the serve the Chantry.”

“My duty is to serve the principles on which the Chantry was founded, Chancellor. As is yours.”

I sighed and opened the door. Two soldiers stood guard at the door while Roderick and Cassandra shouted at each other over the table and Leliana observed.

“Chain her!” the Chancellor ordered the guards. “I want her prepared for travel to the capital for trial.”

“Dick,” I muttered to myself.

Cassandra waved the guards off. “Disregard that, and leave us.”

The guards saluted Cassandra and left. Roderick scowled and clasped his hands behind his back. “You walk a dangerous line, Seeker.”

“The Breach is stable, but it is still a threat. I will not ignore it.”

I rolled my eyes. “Let me guess, you want my help. Again. Why am I not surprised?”

Roderick looked at me with disdain. “You have done plenty. Your actions will be taken into account by the new Divine.”

“Have a care, Chancellor,” Cassandra said. “The Breach is not the only threat we face.”

“Am I really still a suspect? Even after what we just did?” I asked, motioning in the direction I was fairly sure the ruined Temple of Sacred Ashes sat.

“You absolutely are,” the Chancellor said, firmly.

“No,” Cassandra argued, “she is not.”

Leliana took the chance to speak up. “Someone was behind the explosion at the Conclave. Someone Most Holy did not expect. Perhaps they died with the others– or have allies who yet live.” She looked pointedly at the Chantry man.

His eyes widened, comically. “ _I_ am a suspect?”

“You,” the redhead confirmed, “and many others.”

“But _not_ the prisoner,” he sneered.

“I heard the voices in the temple,” Cassandra told him. “The Divine called to her for help.”

“So, her survival, that _thing_ on her hand, all a coincidence?”

“Providence,” she corrected. “The Maker sent her to us in our darkest hour.”

I knew that this was part of the game’s dialogue, but _seriously_. It’s hard enough to believe as a Dalish elf that the Andrastian Maker sent you to save the shemlen, but as a _non Thedosian human_ who preferred not to believe in a single, all powerful deity? The concept that I was sent as divine intervention was, at the very least, ridiculous. “You realize I’m supposed to be an elf, right? A _Dalish_ elf.”

Cassandra turned to look at me. “I have not forgotten. No matter what you are, or what you believe, you are exactly what we needed when we needed it.”

I snorted. “You really think your Maker would send someone like me?” She didn’t _know_ I wasn’t Thedosian, but _still_.

“The Maker does as He wills. It is not for me to say.”

“Even if I don’t believe in Him?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

Although I was fairly sure the line was supposed to be Cassandra’s, it was Leliana who responded. “Humans are not the only people with an interest in the fate of the world.” As spymaster and a bard, Leliana was supposed to be very good at hiding emotions, but I could tell that there was something behind her words. Maybe the Warden Commander had been elven or dwarven.

I shrugged. “I wasn’t referring to the elf bit again, but okay.”

“The Breach remains and your mark is our only hope of closing it.”

Roderick couldn’t resist butting in again. “This is not for you to decide.”

I jumped when Cassandra slammed a big heavy thick book down on the table. When had she gotten that? Frowning at the thick tome, I wondered if Justinia was very wordy or just had huge handwriting or both, because really how long did a proclamation declaring a new Inquisition and granting it the proper authority have to be?

Then again, when did the Thedosian Chantry ever do anything simply? When did anyone in Thedas ever do anything simply?

“You know what this is, Chancellor? A writ from the Divine, granting us authority to act. As of this moment, I declare the Inquisition reborn.” Cassandra backed Roderick up against the wall, poking him in the chest as she continued. “We _will_ close the Breach, we _will_ find those responsible, and we _will_ restore order with or without your approval.”

Roderick shot all three of us one last hateful glare before leaving.

“This is the Divine’s directive,” Leliana explained. “Rebuild the Inquisition of old. Find those who will stand against the chaos. We aren’t ready. We have no leader, no numbers, and now no Chantry support.”

Cassandra nodded in agreement. “But we have no choice: We must act now.” She turned to me. “With you at our side.”

I looked down at the book and sighed. “If you told me last week this was going to be my life, I would have laughed you out of my apartment.” Turning my gaze to the Seeker, I was sure my grin was no less than manic. “I’m so in. Let’s make like Charlie Bradbury and kick it in the ass.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Check out some of the new tags I added!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to the user Rainbow Sheep on Dragon Age World Amino for Varric’s nickname in this chapter

My first logical thought occurred to me as soon as I walked out of the Chantry.

Did the Herald of Andraste have a room in Haven? Was the cabin I woke up in supposed to be mine?

I figured I'd just go back there and see if anyone else had come to claim it. If I recalled correctly, the game had that special delivery box with the Flames of the Inquisition armor and dragon staff. That would be cool to see.

 _Crap, how does armor work?_ I'm way more screwed than I thought.

I was passing the fireplace as I thought this, so I was only mildly surprised when Varric’s voice shouted, “Hey, Blaze!”

It took me a moment to process the two words. Blaze wasn't a nickname I recognized.

Oh. _Oh._

It was _mine_.

_Varric had given me a nickname._

It took all of my self-control not to melt into a puddle of fangirl-y goo.

“Hey, Beardy,” I said.

He frowned. “I don't have a beard, Blaze.”

“It's ironic, Varric. What's up?”

“Mind if we talk?” he asked.

I hesitated. After agreeing to help the Inquisition came the cut scene and the title sequence that led straight into the next conversation with Cassandra. I had no idea what to expect from _this_. “Sure. Is something bothering you?” I pushed open the door to the cabin and he didn't say anything about it being weird, so I guess I was right about it being my place.

“What's your story?” he inquired, pulling out a chair and taking a seat.

“Why do you want to know?” I questioned back, dropping onto the bed. “Is this professional curiosity?”

“You're weird.”

“Wow, thanks.”

“I mean it,” he said seriously. “Nothing about you is right. You don't sound like an elf, or act like an elf, there's no such place as Chicago, you called Solas, _Egg_.”

“Everyone calls him the Egg,” I protested.

“You are the only person who does that.”

“Everyone where I come from calls him the Egg.”

Varric leaned forward. “But where are you from that people know who he is?”

_Oh god, what do I do?_

_Quick Zoe, if this were one of your stories, what would the character say?_

I sighed. “Do you want the believable answer or the truth?”

“Depends, how ridiculous is the truth?”

“Not even the great author Varric Tethras could dream of shit this weird.”

That got a smile from him. “Try me.”

How does one Thedas-ize a video game? “I am not from Thedas,” I began. “I'm from a country called America where we have these three… stories, fantasy stories, that take place in this fantastical realm called Thedas. There are dozens upon dozens of different versions of the stories but the main plot is always the same.

“In the first one, there's a person— could be male, female, human, elf, dwarf, mage, rogue, warrior— and something happens and they get recruited into the Grey Wardens and have to fight the Fifth Blight. That one is from 9:30 to 9:31 Dragon. The protagonist of the second one is always human, but the gender and class can vary. A refugee from Lothering flees to the Free Marches and becomes Champion of Kirkwall. That one spans 9:30 to 9:37 Dragon. The third one is the story of the Herald of Andraste and the Inquisition. 9:41 to 9:42 Dragon.”

Varric took a moment to process this. “And you know every version of these stories?”

I shrugged, trying to look nonchalant and not like an obsessive Fangirl who knows every single possible ending to all three games. “Most of them, yeah.”

He frowned. “But if the third one goes until 9:42, does that mean…”

“I know the future?” I finished. “Yeah. I know almost everything that happens in the next year.”

“So, when you said that the voice in the Temple was the person who made the Breach–”

“He's not a person,” I snarled, startling both Varric and myself. “He's an abomination.”

“Who is he?” the dwarf pressed.

I shook my head. “I can't tell you. Because,” I added when it looked like he was going to protest, “you're not supposed to find out for a while. I have to make sure things go exactly as they're supposed to do I can know what's going on. If I deviate from the story and something changes, I will be way too out of my depth. My world is _nothing_ like yours, Varric. If I didn't know exactly what to do to not die here, I wouldn't last a week.”

He nodded. “I understand.” After a pause, he asked, “So is that why the image of you was confused when the silhouette said to ‘slay the elf’?”

“That's the weirdest part,” I admitted. “I'm not an elf. Elves don't even exist where I'm from. Only humans.”

“And yet you look Dalish.”

“The elfiest of all the elves.” I smiled, thinking of Sera. “It's definitely going to take some getting used to.”

Varric nodded. He seemed to hesitate before asking his next question. “So, what do you know about me?”

I couldn't help it, a wide grin spread across my face. “Oh, _Varric_ ,” I laughed, “let me tell you a story.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is the last one I have a transcript for


	6. Chapter 6

Later that day, after a half distressing half hilarious conversation with Varric about the finer points of Vawke shipping, I found myself walking through the Chantry with Cassandra. I looked down at the mark on my hand, one again wondering how the hell I managed to get stuck with the Anchor.

“Does it trouble you?” Cassandra asked, misunderstanding my expression.

My heart skipped a beat. This was it, the next cut scene. “It’s stopped spreading,” I answered, “and it doesn’t hurt. We take our victories where we can, right?”

She nodded. “My thoughts exactly. What’s important is that your mark is now stable, as is the Breach. You’ve given us time, and Solas believes that a second attempt might succeed– provided the mark has more power. The same level of power used to open the Breach in the first place. That is not easy to come by.”

“Oh, that sounds like a fantastic idea,” I said, sarcastically. “What harm could possibly come from powering up something we barely understand?”

Cassandra cracked a smile. “Hold on to that sense of humor.”

“Clearly you have something in mind.”

“We do.” Cassandra pushed open the door to the War Room where the advisors were waiting. If my heart had skipped a beat earlier, it had definitely stopped that time and my brain went into full on fangirl mode.

_Cullen Rutherford, holy shit._

“May I present Commander Cullen, leader of the Inquisition’s forces.”

Cullen looked at me, _holy shit Cullen was looking at me._ “Such as they are. We lost many soldiers in the valley, and I fear many more before this is through.”

“This is lady Josephine Montilyet, our ambassador and chief diplomat.”

“Andaran Atishan,” the Antivan greeted.

I successfully shook myself out of the fan attack. “You speak elven?”

“You’re just heard the entirety of it, I’m afraid.”

“And of course, you know Sister Leliana.”

Leliana nodded in greeting. “My position here involves a degree of–”

“You're the spymaster,” I interrupted, eagerly.

Leliana shot me a look. “Yes. You know this how?”

“Lucky guess. Impressive bunch of titles,” I commented, smiling at the commander.

“No more impressive than ‘Herald’,” Cullen pointed out.

_THAT WAS NOT IN THE GAME DIALOGUE! BACK UP! ABORT MISSION!_

Cassandra’s next remark got my brain back on track. “I mentioned that your mark needs more power to close the Breach for good.”

“Which means we must approach the rebel mages for help,” Leliana added.

“And I still disagree,” Cullen said. “The Templars could serve just as well.”

Cassandra shook her head. “We need power, Commander. Enough magic poured into that mark–”

“Might destroy us all. Templars could suppress the Breach, weaken it so–”

“Pure speculation,” Leliana dismissed.

“ _I_ was a Templar. I know what they’re capable of.”

“With all due respect,” I said, avoiding looking at Cullen so I could keep my voice steady and not freeze, “we don’t know how powerful the Breach is. Doesn’t it make more sense to increase the power of the mark rather than suppress the Breach and hope that the mark alone will be stronger than whatever power it has left?”

Josephine cut in before Cullen could retort. “Unfortunately, neither group will even speak to us yet. The Chantry has denounced the Inquisition– and you, specifically.” She said the last bit to me.

“Well, that didn’t take long,” I snorted. “They still think I’m guilty?”

“That is not the entirety of it any longer. Some are calling you– a Dalish elf– the 'Herald of Andraste.’ That frightens the Chantry. The remaining Clerics have declared it blasphemy, and we heretics for harboring you.”

“Chancellor Roderick’s doing, no doubt,” Cassandra scowled.

“It limits our options. Approaching the mages or templars for help is currently out of the question.”

I held up my hands. “Alright, back up a second. What makes anyone think that _I’m_ the _Herald of Andraste_?”

“People saw what you did at the temple, how you stopped the Breach from growing. They have also heard about the woman seen in the rift when we first found you. They believe that was Andraste,” Cassandra explained.

“Even if we tried to stop that view from spreading—” Leliana began

“Which we have not,” the Seeker put in.

“The point is, everyone is talking about you.”

“It’s quite the title, isn’t it? How do you feel about that?” Cullen asked.

 _Stay calm. Stay calm._  “It’s… a little unsettling,” I admitted, still not meeting his eyes. “I don’t see how I could really be a herald of anything, let alone Andraste.”

“I’m sure the Chantry would agree.”

“People are desperate for a sign of hope,” Leliana said. “For some, you’re that sign.”

“And to others, a symbol of everything that’s gone wrong,” Josephine added.

I thought about the situation before speaking again. “Will the Chantry attack us?”

Cullen scoffed. “With what? They have only words at their disposal.”

“And yet, they may bury us with them,” the ambassador pointed out.

“And they’re just going to continue to ignore the Breach? They don’t think that’s the real problem here?”

“They do know that it is a threat,” Cullen said, “they just don’t think we can stop it.”

Josephine nodded. “The Chantry is telling everyone that you’ll make it worse.“

Leliana put her hands on the edge of the table. “There is something you can do. A Chantry Cleric by the name Mother Giselle has asked to speak to you. She is not far, and knows those involved far better than I. Her assistance could be invaluable.”

I raised an eyebrow. “A Chantry Cleric wants to help me, a declared heretic?”

“I understand she is a reasonable sort. Perhaps she doesn’t agree with her sisters? You’ll find Mother Giselle tending to the wounded in the Hinterlands near Redcliffe.”

“Look for other opportunities to expand the Inquisition’s influence while you’re there,” Josephine suggested. “We need agents to extend our reach beyond this valley, and you’re better suited than anyone to recruit them.”

_Yes, let's send the socially inept elf with the out of place accent to recruit for our cause. That’s such a wonderful idea, Josie._

Cassandra studied the map “In the meantime, let’s think of other options. I won’t leave this all to the Herald.”

I looked down at the marker on the Ferelden half of the map that, if this were a game, would unlock the Hinterlands.

 _The Land of the Million and Twelve Side-Quests._ I internally sighed. _Oh joy._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was the last chapter I have the transcript for. Be patient with me, guys. Summer school has started, but I _will_ make time to transcribe and post the chapters!


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